| | well i am getting ready to go back home for the holidays... am so excited just to be back to things that make sense to me... am feeling a little wierd though... have no idea what jason is up to... he says he has something planned for me to let me know how he has changed and needs me in his life... not getting hopes up but just curious... so wish it was already 5 am so i can get on the plane... friends in houston have been calling to see when i'm coming... friends i haven't talked to in a really long time... so we'll see... but lately haven't really been in the christmas spirit... i think once i'm home then it will be ok... people up here want me to come back for bobby's birthday but just don't know... am really tired of people up here thinking that i'm not coming back... why don't they want me to come back... guess it's just me being wierd... well anyways have to go get my hair done.... | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | The Truth India Arie | | Time: | 12:19 am | | Current Mood: |  ecstatic |
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| | so it's 11:00 p.m. and Tessa is in labor... early labor... am so exciting... i can't wait to see that baby... lil' Antonio... well i'm gonna call him Buddah... don't think Tessa likes it but... think Dee is annoyed by me... o well... am too excited... can't sleep... will keep posting as soon as i know more... will be begging people at work to take my shift... but hopefully she won't deliver until after 7:30 pm... then i've been thinking that i can't be in the room so maybe i should just stay home until she has Antonio... but again i want to be there... after all i am the Godmom... well until lataz ♥ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | King of the Dance Hall - Beenie Man | | Time: | 07:30 pm | | Current Mood: | energetic |
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| | so today... talked to josh... i love my brother... i remember when we were kids i just wanted to kill him... but now he is my best friend... and he knows me the best... and knows just what to say for me to understand what i'm going through... i really miss him... but it's cool... so found out that jason didn't get blackie pregnant... he didn't even do anything with her... josh found out like i knew he would... so feel a little better... but he keeps telling me to just get over jason... and to live my life to the fullest... to join student council or something to meet people out here... i meet a really nice guy named gray... not sure if i already wrote about him... have noticed that am turning into my mom with that whole repeating yourself... but today was a good day... kinda spoiled myself with some shirts and eyebrow wax... what a difference it makes... but tomorrow will look great and feel great... setting goal... meet someone new... or make plans with gray or erica (girl from work)... she is really cool... well until later... oh yea wish tessa would have the baby already... she does too... calls every time she has some kinda pain... the more she stresses the worst it will be... well lataz ♥ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | So Anxious | | Time: | 10:19 pm | | Current Mood: |  loved |
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| | am totally overjoyed... have talked to jason several times today... am really in love with him... damn... miss him so much... am making plans for him to move here.... if he is serious... if not this is the perfect situation to move on... long distance is hard to do... but am not going to deny myself any situation that seems good for me... but it is hard for me to see or hear him to live down there and do things with out me... and with some other girl... but if we are meant to be we will... it's just going to be hard... he won't tell me about blackie... i truely believe he didn't... but am going to ask josh to ask him about it... so... will find out... i really miss making out with him... he says he is coming for thanksgiving... must start working out a.s.a.p. so when he comes he won't be able to contain himself... ;p.... so... very happy today... feel at peace and that this is the place i need to be... aunt mary is doing better... will pray for her... as well as mom... also need to call job... well... until lataz... ♥ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Usher and Alicia - My Boo | | Time: | 08:32 pm | | Current Mood: |  peaceful |
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| | so am getting use to the idea of this is my new home... got car... able to just ride... still not use to all the trees and animals crossing the highway... houston was never like that... but very pretty... meet two really nice girls yesterday... also some guy flirted with me and was totally not getting the vibe... guys in houston just come out with it... but this guy seems real sweet... dee told me that the guys here are the committed type... which is going to be nice... but first must find a guy... a good one... but one problem... have not meet any tall guys... maybe thats why i get looks... in houston i got looks but i guess i'm being weird... but it justs seems like they know that i am not from here... am newbie... but o well... today was good... had to put on the mommy role with my younger cousin... my aunt is in the hospital having surgery... so it's ok... have great apperication for parents... have been raised right... so talked to josh... told him how i was feeling about jason... he told me that he talked to jason and jason has been trying to call but doesn't have long distance... don't know how true that is... but am going to call later at night to make sure he is home... another thing i have to get use to... am an hour ahead of houston... also have to call sydney... but back to jason... josh also said that jason did go over to blackie's house but doesn't want to be with her... and has not touched her... but we'll see... well until hands meet keys... ♥ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Maroon 5 she will be loved | | Time: | 03:59 pm | | Current Mood: | hopeful |
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| | so have made it to new home... still is really hard to believe that am actually starting a new life... need to stay focused on that... my own life... is so great to have my girl cousins around to talk to... do really miss jason... had amazing time before i got on the plane... he held me in the back of the car the whole ride there... we looked into each others eyes and let each other know how we felt... complete shock as jason is not generally that open... but was really great... he wants to come with me so bad... think he will... if he doesn't o well... but i just hope he is happy in what ever he does... have not talked to him yet... need to call him... have talked to ma twice yesterday... the goodbye was horrible... big tears and hugs... jason started to tear up... he is really special... it really touched me... also need to call josh... will miss him a lot... tessa is doing great... soon the baby will be here... can't wait... well just wanted to write to say how great am feeling about the new adventure i am taking.... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | All you have to do is say Yes, and Ashanti's Baby | | Time: | 05:48 pm | | Current Mood: | hopeful |
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| | so josh came home and it is so great... we went out with jason... had really good time... danced, drank, and had great time... really am going to miss jason and my brother... met girl who turned out to know this other girl i know and we both hate her... any way the girl i met wants to talk to my brother... but i'm not sure about that... anyways... took jason to bus station so he could go to school... we were sitting in the car and he is just telling me all this stuff about how much i mean to him and how special i am... before when i was talking about the same thing he was acting like it was no big deal... but now how have the tables turned... when we were saying goodbye... he did kiss me and gave me a huge hug... am really now confused... his friend was there and after we went to denny's to eat and to get to know each other... i mean i have only known jason's friend for a week so thought it was a good idea... come to find out this guy has been liking me the whole time i have been chilling with him and jason... he didn't know what or how to tell me... total shock... really don't know what to do... men are so confusing... but back to the story... when i dropped him off... he kissed me... i pulled back and said what about jason... situation with jason is a complicated one but still... there are feelings between us... so all day have been obsessing about it... do i tell jason and risk him being mad... or does it make him realize that he can't just play with my emotions like he does... one minute we are friends the next we aren't... man i just don't know... my brother at first said don't tell me but my pal yoli told me to tell him the truth... jason and i have always been honest with each other... i have dated other guys while jason and i are just friends... but he really doesn't like it... yoli said it will either make him step up and be with me or keep us the great friends that we are... so i don't know... when we did talk about the fact that i am moving to school and so is he and the dating issue was brought up he told me that he plans on being too busy to do any thing like that... and that the girls up there aren't what he is looking for... so what does that mean... am just going to sit down and talk to him tonite... and if he pulls some bull$hit about he can't express his feelings but he does what to step things up then am going to tell him to show me... so we will see... will write as soon as i know something... do you have any advise... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Kelly Clarkson- the trouble with love | | Subject: | roller coaster | | Time: | 05:15 pm | | Current Mood: |  drained |
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| | So am just sitting here wishing you would be up the phone and call…. Why don’t you call me… why can’t we be… why do I need you… need you to breath… why is it when I get you out of my system…. You come back … like a lost puppy…. Coming back home… expecting me to just welcome you back into my heart… why can’t it just be you and me…. Why are you so funny… why are you romantic… why do you hold back from me… why do you tell me I’m special… why aren’t we together… together forever… why must you keep me on this roller-coaster ride… I do I keep myself on…. I can’t get off… we can’t get off… why… why do I ♥ you so hard.... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Maroon 5 - She will be Loved | | Time: | 09:18 am | | Current Mood: |  crappy |
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| | am feeling horrible... wish i could just crawl back into bed... hate being sick... am not suppose to be sick and feeling yucky... am suppose to be enjoying last week here in houston... but no... am sick... it doesn't really feel like i am moving... i guess when i start to pack more it will... but am really sad... oh and the other nite when i was with jason was real fun... saw collateral it was good... he didn't want to see the village... he's so scary... anyways... goodbye was horrible... i couldn't even look him in the eye... he when for the move and i froze... i couldn't... am so pathetic... as it turns out to my surprise he called the next morning... his cousins car isn't working and he'll be in town until the weekend... offered to take him back to school... so will be able to recover from horrible goodbye... so anyways... really wish i was in bed... with him spooning me... well must go back to work... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Maroon 5 | | Subject: | SOS | | Time: | 09:05 am | | Current Mood: |  curious |
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| | so had amazing nite... it was so fun and great to hang out with jason... forgot how funny he is... am going to miss him terribly (spelling)... but promises to continue to keep in touch... he wants to move to u. conn. with me soon... that would be interesting... now have been obsessing on tonight with him... will be last time to see him for a while... now we have been friends for 2-3 years... have kissed before... but we talked about how we aren't ready for the serious relationship... whatever... that was almost 6 months ago... he is now giving off vibes that he is ready even with the distance... last nite he stared at me for a good 10 min. and went in to kiss me but kissed on check instead... big let down... and after the weird silence... he said you are like no girl i have met or been friends with... am thinking what does that mean... then got into discussion of guys at u. conn.... so pals what should i do tonight....?????? ..... make move and see where it goes.... don't know.... nervous to just make that jump... think he is too.... but will be last time to see him til Christmas... help... am going to do it....♥ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Chicago Soundtrack - track 7 | | Time: | 09:04 am | | Current Mood: | curious |
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| | Well back to normal... hate, hate, hate being sick... back at work and everyone is glad to see me which makes me feel really good... just meet the coolist chick... am working with her this week and found out we had so much in common... very wrong to have assumed she wouldn't like me... but very good to open that door to get to know someone... too bad am leaving to go to school... but exchanged e mails and hope to keep in touch... she is a fellow writer and am excited to read some of her stuff if she will allow it... am a little sad to be leaving home but excited... this new found bond between me and cool writer gal helps me realize that i should open the door more and get to know other people... am going to have to master before i leave... will be in new place and need to know how to make friends all over... scary thought... but will think inner poise and self worth... am very interesting person with many different things to offer... i think that in high school never had this problem but after graduation it was different... o well will be great... must get back to work and telling the sick story over and over until bloody sick again... ;p ♥ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | So I just registered for school... i am only going part-time because out-of-state tuition is crazy... but i am taking forensic science... mass communication... and geography... so i am really excited about the first two and the thrid is alright- have to have some core credits... so i'll be moving real soon.. 3 more weeks... now all i have to do is pack my clothes... not so stressed anymore now that school is done... work has been going really good... life is just great... so talked to Sydney last night and it is so hard being away from him... but we have continued to talk and such for a while and i know that one day i'll be able to go over to London... his trip to Boston *grins* is still on for Halloween... i can't wait... it's going to be soooo great... but anyways have to go back to work... ♥ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Hey... well today at work i jumped on lj because yesterday at work i had to do mannual labor... it sucked... anyways at least i am off this weekend... i have to take my test... but it will be good to be off... but amber and lance are going to some water camping trip.... I just wish i had some friends to go and do stuff with... maybe i'll ask mom or tiffany to do stuff with... i want to go to value village... or maybe go to the apt. and spend time there... i get some of my fav. treats and rent or buy some of the great british films people have suggested... yeah... i think that's what i'll do... great.... well until later... Latas, ♥ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | well i am a little pissed that i have to work tomorrow especially when there is a Johnny Depp marathon coming on... but o well it's part of being an adult... i met some really cool people... i love this lj... but anyways... i talked to my cousin and she's the "good" one in the family... she makes me feel like her life is so together... but it's not she's boring and has no fun... so whateva... but i still love but she makes me frustrated... we are the same age but she acts like she is 67... i can't wait untill i go out there and take her out... we're 21 and we're not going to get bombed every night but it'll be fun to go out once in a while... well anyways... gotta get back to laundry... night, night.... ~* XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX *~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Hoobastank - You | | Subject: | Chillin | | Time: | 09:10 pm | | Current Mood: |  refreshed |
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| | Well I just got home from working out and I know it sounds corny but i have so much energy. It also helped me think and sort out a lot of things. Anyways. What I don't understand is how only certain people look strange at you. I get it alot from some black girls when they see that i am light or have good hair. Then i also get it when i come across white girls who are thinking to themselves "OMG,why is she in here" Then some of the black people including some of my family members call me a white girl. I ask them i do i act white? White is a color. I quess it's because i like listening to all kinds of music but i really like alternative or rock. I go swimming. I know how to speak correct English. I like doing different things than just hanging out. I like going to plays, musicals, rock concerts, poetry readings, the book stores. Now a days that's just not what kids do. I don't go to clubs every night trying to find a baby daddy or a sugar daddy. I want a guy that is smart, has goals, funny -and not just stupid comedy but wit, some one independent. So i guess if that's acting like a white girl fine. O well. Anyways. Speaking of guys. I heard from Sydney today. He is so dreamy. Ha HA. He just knows all the right things to say. We call each other on our b.s. and we support each otherin what ever makes us happy and is safe. So what's the problem? He lives in England. We met over here in Houston, Texas. So son't think that it's one of those met online and fell in love. sorry if that applies to anyone reading this. :( if it worked for you great. I am just not sure if it would work with me. He is gorgeous. Tall, Great smile- one that lights up his face- a great laugh to match. Eyes that just reach the core of me. Oh he is something! I miss him a lot especially when we talk on the phone and he is telling me all the places he wants to take me, and all that sweet mushy stuff that girls love. But it's not as corny when it comes out of he's mouth and when one of us thinks that the other is being corny we call each other on it. And even though we are on completely seperate continents it just feels so damn good to have that kind of support and comfort with someone. Well enough of me blabbering on... I'm gotta go because i have to work but i'm sure i will write. ~* XOXOXOXOXOX *~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 12:47 pm | | Current Mood: |  blah |
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| | I am so reading to go home. It is raining. I just wantto crawl into my bed and fall in to dreamland. But no I have to work beause I am an adult who needs to pay rent. Speaking of rent that's what I need right now is the soundtrack to Rent. That was an amazing show. The radio is playing stupid songs. Anyways. I wonder why people talk so much and don't let you get in a word. why do these people always find me to talk to? O well. i have gotten use to being a good listener. But i should get back to work... I just love this journal thing because if I feel the need to jot down some things. Well gotta go... See ya ~*XOXOXOXOX*~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 10:24 am | | Current Mood: |  devious |
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| | So this lady just walked by and she is mad at me because I got her in trouble because she wasn't doing her job. I didn't do it on purpose. Honestly !! :P ~* XOXOXOXO*~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | My Happy Ending | | Time: | 10:20 am | | Current Mood: | energetic |
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| | Well... Hey this is my very first time writing in my new journal. I am in a good mood, but my pal Tiffany can't work with me today. She is really cool. She's the one who hooked me up to this whole great live journal. She's awesome. Well owell I see her through out the day. We just saw King Arthur and if anyone is reading this Go CHECK IT OUT !!! Even if you aren't into really into British culture or old times. It doesn't matter. GO SEE IT !!!! well I gotta get back to work now. LOL ~*XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO*~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Well... Hey this is my very first time writing in my new journal. I am in a good mood, but my pal Tiffany can't work with me today. She is really cool. She's the one who hooked me up to this whole great live journal. She's awesome. Well owell I see her through out the day. We just saw King Arthur and if anyone is reading this Go CHECK IT OUT !!! Even if you aren't into really into British culture or old times. It doesn't matter. GO SEE IT !!!! well I gotta get back to work now. LOL ~*XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO*~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
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mochalatte21's journal